What I've Learned Coaching Women For Over 10 Years

When I started coaching over ten years ago, I thought my role was to help women lose weight, get fitter, become stronger and achieve their goals. While those things are certainly part of the job, what I've come to realise is that the physical changes are often the least interesting part of the journey.

The longer I've worked with women, the more I've understood that fitness is rarely just about fitness.

Behind every goal to lose weight, build strength or improve health is usually a woman trying to reconnect with herself. A woman who has spent years putting everybody else first. A woman who has been told she should be smaller, quieter, less demanding, less emotional, more productive, more organised and somehow able to hold everything together without ever struggling herself.

What I've learned is that women carry far more than people realise.

Many arrive believing they need a better workout plan, when in reality they're carrying years of self-doubt, comparison and pressure. They often tell me they lack motivation, but when we dig deeper, motivation isn't the problem at all. More often than not, they're exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone while feeling like they're still somehow falling short.

If there's one thing that has surprised me most over the years, it's how hard women can be on themselves.

I've seen women achieve incredible things in their personal and professional lives, yet dismiss their own successes in a heartbeat. I've watched women celebrate the achievements of others whilst completely overlooking their own progress. I've met women who would offer endless compassion to a friend going through a difficult time, yet criticise themselves for the smallest setback.

Somewhere along the way, many women have learned to measure themselves against impossible standards. They wait until they're more confident, more capable, more experienced or more prepared before allowing themselves to begin. The problem is that confidence rarely arrives first.

In fact, confidence is probably the thing I see women searching for most, yet it's almost never found in the way they expect.

It isn't found by waiting.

It isn't found by becoming a certain size.

It isn't found by reaching a particular milestone.

Confidence is built through experience. It grows every time a woman does something she wasn't sure she could do. Every time she shows up despite feeling nervous. Every time she learns a new skill, lifts a heavier weight, walks into a class alone or realises she's capable of more than she once believed.

That's why I often say that strength training changes far more than your body.

Of course, it can help you become physically stronger, but what I've witnessed over the years goes much deeper than that. I've seen women stand taller, speak more confidently, set healthier boundaries and stop apologising for taking up space. I've watched them move from focusing solely on what their bodies look like to appreciating what their bodies can do.

There is something incredibly powerful about discovering your own capability.

Not because lifting weights magically solves every problem, but because proving to yourself that you can do hard things has a way of spilling into every other area of life.

Another lesson I've learned is that women thrive when they stop trying to do it alone.

The women who experience the most lasting success are rarely the women with the perfect programme. They're usually the women who find support, encouragement and a sense of belonging. They surround themselves with people who celebrate their wins, understand their struggles and remind them of their strength when they've temporarily forgotten it themselves.

Humans are wired for connection, and women are no different. We were never meant to navigate every challenge in isolation.

Looking back over the last decade, there is one thing I've never heard a woman say.

I've never heard a woman tell me she regrets starting.

I've never heard someone say they regret taking care of themselves, investing in their health, building their strength or stepping outside their comfort zone.

What I have heard is women wishing they'd started sooner.

Wishing they'd spent less time doubting themselves.

Wishing they'd realised earlier that they didn't need to be perfect before they began.

After more than ten years of coaching, that may be the biggest lesson of all. The women who achieve the most meaningful transformations aren't necessarily the most confident, the fittest or the most experienced when they start.

They're simply the women who decide they're worth showing up for.

And once they do, everything else has a chance to grow from there.